If only you knew all this

When my eyes first saw you, I never knew how important you will be to me. I never thought you would mean this much to me. I never thought I would care so much about you. I never thought you would have such a special place in my heart. These were all just thoughts, from the first glance I had of you.

Then I would see you around once every couple months, then it became weeks, and then days. I then started to think maybe you are meant to be part of my life, but I didn’t know much about you at the time. Everything was just awkward. Things were awkward so I didn’t think of it much.

Even though I didn’t think much of it, I knew you were different, and that there was something special about you, and I wanted to know what it was. I knew you were different after I saw the way you opened the closing elevator for me. You then proved to me how decent of a person you are. I just didn’t know how to come out of my shell, and I learned it wasn’t easy for you either. I just couldn’t talk to you, and you never tried or made the effort to talk to me either.

As much as I tried to avoid everything, I couldn’t. I had to! I had to see what was so special about you. So I did! Yes I didn’t really approach you, but I slowly let you enter my life. As soon as I did, you quickly came out of your shell. Only God knows how happy and relieved I was to know we both were on the same page, or to think, I thought we were.

After our introductions, right away I felt as if I’ve known you my whole life, as if our souls have met before. I was just full of excitement, and I honestly thought you were too. I constantly thought to myself, wow this is the only person who understands me, and makes me happy. Our conversation from the first hour was great, but as the days and nights passed, they were better. And oh how happy I was!

We finally weren’t afraid to speak to each other anymore, you knew me and I knew you. Life was great,it was without doubt wonderful. Your beautiful heart lightened my world. Your smile made my day. And your eyes made me forget everything.

As I got to know more about you, I saw why you were so different and special. All the good things a person wishes for, are built in you. Kind, soft- hearted, thoughtful, sweet, and I can keep going on for days, you have it all.

I started thanking God for making you part of my life, and for giving me the chance to have met someone like you. I felt so safe talking to you, and coming out of my comfort zone. You showed me the meaning of trust, you built up my confidence, and mostly, your eyes showed me the meaning of life. You just became so important to me, to my life, and to my heart.

Words can’t describe how much I appreciate you and care about you. I never thought it’s possible to have someone become so important to you in a short period of time. I sadly thought you shared the same point of view of me as well, but you started to drift away, and I can’t seem to find out why.

I wanted you to always have a special place in my heart and I wanted to have a special place in your heart as well. I want to be there for you always. On your birthdays, your special moments, best days, worst days, and I want to be there for you, if you just ever needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to and comfort you. I want to be there always. I want to be the first person you will rely on first.

You started to keep yourself distant from me. Our conversations slowly ended, your smile started to fade away, and the person that I met, changed. I just don’t get it. Why would you enter someone’s life and walk out of it, without giving a reason. I don’t understand what I did for you to be like this. I went out of my way, to be the best I can for you, and I told you things I would never tell anyone else. But you do not care anymore, you don’t care about anything to do with me anymore!

Things are back to being awkward again, back to where we were three years ago. I never thought we would go back to being awkward again. It hurts to face the fact, we are going back to the beginning, back to the start, back to you not knowing me. I hate all this, I hate where we have come. I will do anything to be part of your life once again.

I can’t forget you, you have such an important impact on my life. That confidence you built up for me, left with you. My life is dark now, I don’t know what light looks like, I don’t know what happiness is, I don’t know what a smile looks like anymore , I don’t know the meaning of trust, and I just don’t understand anything anymore.

It kills me every time we cross paths and you walk pass me as if you have never met me, as if you don’t know the things you know about me, as if I’m just like all the other strangers around us. Every time I see you, it kills me more and more. I’m sure you don’t mean to hurt me, ignore me, or put me down, but you are.

I wish things were different, I wish we can still communicate the way we did in those four weeks, I wish I can still see that light in your eyes, and your smile, that you used to give me when I would walk right passed you. I wish we can go back to that month, weeks, nights, days, I wish we can go back to that DAY you told me your name. I wish you can just look back at all the memories and conversations we had, I just wish you would have a place in your heart for me.

I can see it in your eyes, there’s something you want to tell me, you want to tell me something, but you can’t build the confidence to. Things are awkward right now, but no matters what, your place in my heart will never change or be replaced. You will always be different and special to me!

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23 thoughts on “If only you knew all this

  1. I read this last night but just got a chance to comment on your piece. I was reading this when I started to cry…I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way. I know what its like to have these feelings, to love someone so deeply and its like their spirit rejuvenates you – then everything falls apart and you’re left with a bunch of questions and uncertainty. It’s like you never get closure but its not like you want closure either because as long as you love this person..there’s still hope that they will open their heart back to you. I don’t have all the answers nor do I have some story that I am with the one I love but I do know that I have grown as a person by loving deeply and yes there was times of pain and heartache but all -in-all I have grown. I wish you the best and I hope that everything works out for you.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks!!! Oh you’re fine. It’s ok- I was just emotionally connected to your piece. Lol. No biggie.hahaha…don’t wanna make it awkward.lol. like omgosh I just made this girl cry, whoah.lol. I enjoyed your piece and I’m kind of an emotional reader, allowing my heart to connect with a piece.

        Liked by 1 person

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