Game Over, or Game on Pause?

Even though I’m supposed to be hating you right now and considering you as an enemy I can’t. Every time I remember our weird conversations I just laugh. We were just talking about the most random things ever. I don’t know if you still look back at our conversations, but wow I can’t believe we talked about weird things like that in such a small matter of time. I guess we clicked fast. You know I’m not supposed to be happy looking back at these, but gosh I don’t know if I’m supposed to cry or laugh. Our conversations were very interesting and your selfies wow I just never expected you to send selfies to me within a couple of days after meeting me. But it’s ok don’t feel stupid about it, I appreciated the fact you had the courage to do it. It’s funny where we were awhile back and where we are now. But honestly I wish we never did “meet.” Im not saying I regret it, I just wish we can go to the way it was before I made the step of letting you enter my life. Back to me just seeing you around with your crew and you seeing me around with my bestie. Oh gosh I will never forget the first time I saw you. Hahaha its kind of funny though, I never thought I would be here writing it out. You were wearing khakis, and your black leather jacket, oh and how can I forget those shades, the ones you wear even when there’s no sun, I guess you just think you look cooler in them, but hey we all have those moments where we want to feel cool right? I walked right passed you that day, with my bestie of course. I didn’t even know who you were and where you were from. But I did know something was kind of awkward, because all you did is just stare. I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but yeah that’s all you did, not just that day but always. I remember I looked back and you were still looking and I was like Ummm ok, weirdo. It’s funny because at the moment I did not think that now I would care so much about you. But I guess life is full of surprises. I just feel so stupid, I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel this way. I don’t blame you for anything or what you are putting me through. I blame myself 100% for letting this happen. You know I started all this, even though you took the next step which has led us here. I don’t know why I even blog all this, I just think somehow you come across my blog and read these posts. Maybe then you will wake up and smell the coffee. You know I tell myself that you aren’t worth all of this, but hey if you weren’t worth it I wouldn’t be blogging right now. One day you will realize you lost someone very special. I’m not sure when that day will come and where in life we will be , but I my friend will be waiting for you to burst all your emotions in front of me. Look I know you don’t mean to hurt me, I know you are not evil or cruel, or cold hearted, but damnnn every time I see you, I die, I just can’t control my tears, it’s embarrassing, they just come running down, but I guess I’m just the emotional type of person. But honestly props to you! I’m not sure how many people you have hurt unintentionally, but you very well hurt me. Thanks for playing your game with me. Your game of hey let’s be friends, send selfies, talk all day, all night, you can “trust” me, wait now we can’t talk to each other anymore , can’t look at each other, ignore each other game. I have enjoyed playing your game. Now I’m just here waiting for the game to end. Waiting for the words, “game over,” or “start over,” to appear. Maybe to you, it’s already “game over,” but for me my dear, our little game is on “pause,” I will never be able to end our game without answers to why this little game is on pause.

10 thoughts on “Game Over, or Game on Pause?

  1. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and leading me to your blog. This post…I laughed a sad laugh because I felt like somehow you had entered my soul and wrote down my feelings. I’ve been through the same thing a couple of times but I never learn. It’s a pattern, a weave that’s not easy to get out of. But only time can set you free. Meanwhile be patient with yourself. This too shall pass. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow..just how I feel right now..i feel like I’m a case study..and this right here is my sad af summary…your work is beautiful..and I hope someday I can express myself in such beautiful words like you do… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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